i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
