He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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