if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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