I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
