what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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