why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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