i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
