Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
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What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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