I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
