I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
