Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
