i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
