Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
