Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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