i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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