your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
