Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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