OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
