I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
