So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
