I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
