Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
