Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
