I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
