oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
