You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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