Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Floor bacon is actually really good
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
