He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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