I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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