Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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