using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
babies were throwing up all over the place
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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