Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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