So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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