We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
