Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize