I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
