Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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