I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
