the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
