I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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