So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
