It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
