You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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