She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
