dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
