so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
