She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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