if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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