It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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