im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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