I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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