I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
