she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
