I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Drake has all the answers
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