Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
