he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
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All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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