Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
