I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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