If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
