Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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