Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
