ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
