haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
