I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize