The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
