i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do vagina's smell?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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