Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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