he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
