I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
