you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
