if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
