If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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