At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
