There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
