Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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