I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
