I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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