We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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