who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
