I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
